I woke up ready for some big internal changes today.
It probably started coming to a head yesterday when I realised I’m not as nice as I thought I was. I’ve been deluding myself. A lot of holes have appeared in my inner cheese since I was that sweet and wonderful original child-self, so I must be totally Swiss inside by now. No wonder I can’t bring myself to become a Canadian citizen…
Anyway, so I told the children this morning what kind of mood I am in, and that this was a great chance for them to tell me how they wish I behaved differently, and they said that I become too frustrated when they’re not understanding me. I examined myself and found some really good excuses for it, but it is true, and I need to change that as soon as I can. Even if my ADHD family’s behaviour makes my daily life one long gong show, I can, and must, “find my inner peace and let it guide me gently through the day.” That’s a quotation from The Family Virtues Guide. We were supposed to be working our way through the whole book, but we never got past the first lesson, Peace. Which happened three years ago. The quotation is still stuffed under the bottom edge of a picture in the dining room, getting a little more bubbled and grimy with every gong show of a meal together.
I did ask my Adam what he would have his Eve change the most, and he said something silly, like, “Give me more ice cream.” He is never short on ice cream. In fact he came home just tonight with a tub the size of his whole torso because it was going cheap at Sobey’s. Again.
So either he thinks I’m perfect or he doesn’t care.