I woke up ready for some big internal changes today.
It probably started coming to a head yesterday when I realised I’m not as nice as I thought I was. I’ve been deluding myself. A lot of holes have appeared in my inner cheese since I was that sweet and wonderful original child-self, so I must be totally Swiss inside by now. No wonder I can’t bring myself to become a Canadian citizen…
Anyway, so I told the children this morning what kind of mood I am in, and that this was a great chance for them to tell me how they wish I behaved differently, and they said that I become too frustrated when they’re not understanding me. I examined myself and found some really good excuses for it, but it is true, and I need to change that as soon as I can. Even if my ADHD family’s behaviour makes my daily life one long gong show, I can, and must, “find my inner peace and let it guide me gently through the day.” That’s a quotation from The Family Virtues Guide. We were supposed to be working our way through the whole book, but we never got past the first lesson, Peace. Which happened three years ago. The quotation is still stuffed under the bottom edge of a picture in the dining room, getting a little more bubbled and grimy with every gong show of a meal together.
I did ask my Adam what he would have his Eve change the most, and he said something silly, like, “Give me more ice cream.” He is never short on ice cream. In fact he came home just tonight with a tub the size of his whole torso because it was going cheap at Sobey’s. Again.
So either he thinks I’m perfect or he doesn’t care.
(Odd day.)
The Quest for Eve 
January 6th, 2013 at 11:46 am
Reblogged this on Fetish for Ice-Cream.
January 6th, 2013 at 2:49 pm
Everybody`s got an opinion and only some of them are worth listening to. Still, Beth, you manage to hide your holes pretty well, at least to the general public. 🙂
January 7th, 2013 at 10:41 am
Thanks 🙂 And I should have made myself clearer in the article. I came up with the analogy of there being lots of holes in my inner cheese because I was thinking of some significant places of loss. I was thinking of the bits of my life that are missing and awaiting repair: the holes that happen to us all as time advances.
January 7th, 2013 at 9:13 pm
You know, I think that maybe this might be one of the reasons why so many couples divorce at about your or our age . . . thinking that just a new spouse will make everything okay and all the holes filled up! But of course that doesn`t work. (there may be good reasons to divorce if there is abuse, of course — but that`s just escaping a bad situation, not filling any holes).
I see more, now, what you were meaning. In any case, I think you“re one of the bravest people I know, and those holes will either be healed or you will live wholely, “whole“ or not.
January 8th, 2013 at 5:34 am
I see it that way too. When I was learning to drive, in my late thirties, my driving instructor started to confide in me, telling me how she was pulling away from her husband and she couldn’t explain to him why. She was in her thirties too. I knew him well enough to know how much he really loved her, and was deeply concerned and puzzled for her. I don’t know how it turned out. I really hope, well. They were such a good match.
January 8th, 2013 at 3:51 pm
You’re also nicer than you think, Beth. This post made me laugh, so thanks for that.
January 8th, 2013 at 5:22 pm
I’m really glad, Susan 🙂
April 3rd, 2013 at 2:45 pm
You have an amazing writing voice!
April 3rd, 2013 at 4:12 pm
You made my day, Andrea.
April 5th, 2013 at 6:16 am
🙂 you seriously need to write more because I seriously need to read it. 🙂